Gabriel led the way with a bright flashlight on hand. They were following a narrow stoned path through the forest.
Everything OK, Ida ? Gabriel looked back. It’s not that far.
Yes. She said, walking behind him with her own flashlight.
Sorry I dragged you into it. But it’ll be worth it. I promise.
I’m happy to, it’s always nice to walk in the forest. She said. I read that for the Camino walk, you’ll be walking in the dark if you want to start early. So it’s a good warm-up!
I like how you think. Gabriel said. I didn’t expect you to say yes. No one ever does.
You mean, you always invite girls for a walk in the forest in the middle of the night?
Yes, but only when there’s a fireball. He said with a laugh. Seriously though, I like your sense of adventure.
I think I got that from my dad. He’s retired now but he was a ship navigator. He took that line of job because he knows it will bring him to different places.
So that’s how he got to the Philippines.
Yeah, he loved it there, at least for some time. She said. I want to experience that too, that’s why I’m taking time to travel.
He stopped and faced her. How long are you going to travel again for? And where are you going exactly?
I’ve saved up enough for 6 months. After the Camino, I’ll fly to Sri Lanka, then India, then Nepal. I’m keen to go to Myanmar if I can squeeze that in.
Sounds great. I’d love to go to Myanmar too. Sri Lanka is beautiful, from the little I saw. I did a mission there a few years ago.
I imagine that you don’t get to travel much after? She asked.
He continued walking. Yeah, mostly I come back here. I need that time to ground and re-orient myself. And to see my dad. He said. I’m very excited for you though. I’ll live through your experience.
I do plan to write about my travels. Maybe just on my personal journal or I may put it up on a travel blog. Not sure yet.
That’s be nice. I’d read what you’ll write. What will it be called?
Oh, I haven’t even thought that far. In case it’ll be online, you’ll be the first to know! Maybe you’ll be the only reader. She laughed.
Or who knows maybe I can meet you somewhere and you’ll tell me your stories yourself. Gabriel said, looking back at her, smiling.
I’d like that. Ida smiled back.
They continue to walk in silence until they arrived at the edge of the forest. In front of them stretched a grand, rolling meadow. A sliver of the waxing moon hung in the dark sky.
I think it could have landed around here. Gabriel said pointing ahead.
Could we really find it?
Not really, unless it’s obvious and left a big mark. He replied. But definitely not by searching right now, we need more light.
Oh. She said, disappointed.
Anyway, I brought you here because we can look at the Orionids from here. Look how open it is. He said stretching his arms upwards. It’s my favorite place, I just go here and lie down. We’re basically trespassing but no one has been in this land. I mean we never saw anybody here.
Oh look, Ida pointed at a portion of the sky where a cluster of meteors rained down. It does seem like the perfect spot. A light breeze brushed against her. She inhaled deeply, as if taking all the scenery in.
Come, I want to show you something else. He said as he walked back up and stopped beside an oak tree. He pointed his light to something below it – a tombstone.
Hi dad, he said. Did you see the fireball pass this way? He plopped himself down, at the right of the tombstone. By the way, this is Ida. He gestured a silent introduction.
Oh, she said realizing what it was. Hi Ollie, sorry I came too late. She sat cross-legged on the other side and placed her flashlight on her left.
He chose to be buried in this forest by a tree. He wanted to have a clear and unobstructed view of the night sky, and this big open space.
Did he have it planned like this? She asked.
Yes, he put it in his will 10 years ago, just after we built this. He knew exactly where he wanted to be. He played with the flashlight with his hands, allowing Ida to see his face.
Gabriel, how did Ollie die? If I may ask…Ida said, looking straight at him, searching his eyes.
He put his flashlight on his right. Ida can now only see the silhouette of his face. He propped his arms on his bent legs and played with a little stone in his hands. He died in his sleep, he had a cardiac arrest. We didn’t know what triggered it.
Oh…
It was unexpected but not surprising to be honest. Once my parents separated, that gave him permission to be obsessed about two things – his work and his love for astronomy. Everything else was a bother. That included his health.
I see. And his children? You’re not a bother to him are you? She asked.
No, no, I knew he loved us, but maybe I was just lucky that I loved the night sky as much as him so we got to share a lot together. If I didn’t, I think I’d be as estranged from him as my sister is.
And how do you feel about his death? She asked gently.
As morbid as it sounds, I felt that his death was a good death. I mean, it’s the easiest way to die. Without prolonged pain, without knowing it, in his sleep. That he was in a place he loved, that I was with him that day made me feel somehow it’s OK. And he enjoyed what he was doing that day. It was a good day, he’d say it himself. I wouldn’t mind going like that, in my old age. I hope not before 90 though! He threw the pebble he was playing with. But I miss him…
I know, I still miss my mom. Ida said. I can understand what you say about dying that way. My mom, it had not been easy for her. It was heartbreaking for me to see her like that. I’m just happy that I was with her until the very end and that hopefully my love gave her some comfort. Ida wiped away some dirt from the tombstone and pointed her flashlight at it.
I like his epitaph: Just passing through…
Aren’t we all? He said while picking up another stone to play with.
Do you think he’s down here on earth or up there in the stars, right now?
Hmmm, another one of your philosophical questions. You mean to say, if he’s rotting flesh or an enlightened spirit?
She laughed. That’s a funny way to put it.
Your question begged for it. He laughed. Seriously though, I don’t feel there’s a difference between here on earth and out there, whatever’s out there. When you’re gone or even when you’re alive. Like what they say, everything’s stardust.
I’d say you could be a philosopher yourself, the most grounded one! She said. I like that about you, that you’re in touch with the world. I say that because I just want to escape out there – in space.
Why’s that?
I feel it’s hard living in this world. For me personally with my personal struggles. Also when I think about all the suffering in this world – the inequalities, the injustices, it makes me really depressed. How could we live with that and there’s no solution?
So you think the universe can give you answers? Or someone out there can give you answers?
I feel that there must be answers out there, because it’s not here. We have lived thousands of years and we’re still stuck. She replied. I had this dream where I was floating into space. It was so serene and in one moment, I felt the answers came to me clearly. I had this very big aaaaaaahhhhhaaa moment. The universe gave me the answer and it all made sense.
And what’s the answer?
I woke up and I forgot about it. She said. I was so frustrated, I wanted to sleep again and remember it. But it was gone forever.
And what were your questions exactly?
Well, there’s many…I guess to sum it up – where do we come from, where are we going, what’s the point of it all? And maybe a fourth one…why is there pain and suffering?
Hmm, I like the idea that if someone created us and created this mystery around our existence, this being would put the answers just right under our noses. It would be so obvious that philosophers would think: That’s too simple, it’s not the answer. And we keep looking for answers but in fact it’s just in front of us.
She smiled. That’s mean or compassionate depends the way you see it. But what if the answer is just buried deep inside us – in our minds or souls, and we just need to remember it?
Like in your dream? He asked.
Yeah. Or maybe there’s no answer and there’s no supreme being. We’re all just randomly fleeting creatures in a floating world in an endless void.
Who thinks too much and asks too much questions. Gabriel added.
Maybe it’s just that. She said. You and I and a bunch of other people have so much time on our hands to think and philosophize. I feel guilty about that. While others don’t even have something to eat – their thoughts are just about survival. And I’m not even talking about those who are abused and powerless. I can’t accept that.
Yet that’s reality.
I don’t know if I want to live in a world like that. She said. That’s why I honestly hated my job in Singapore. I was writing about investments which in the end, will just benefit the rich. The rich becomes richer. It makes me sick and yet I participate in it. I used my skills to write about money, for people with money to make loads more money because I needed money.
You had no choice. And it’s unfortunately how the world works.
I hate our obsession about money. I understand it’s part of life but how did we get to a point where the ultra rich eat lobsters at 200 euros/plate on a 10M yacht while the poorest have only rice with salt in their shanty. I can’t understand this and I can’t understand why we’re OK with it. I participate in that too on some level because we just ate ratatouille made with organic vegetables in this beautiful house in the Pyrenees while others…
Ouch. Gabriel interrupted.
Sorry to put it like that but it’s true, isn’t it? I know it’s idealistic to think like this but but under the same sky, we all should have some equal opportunities, some level of basic needs met before anyone can be allowed to have so much excess.
I get you. He simply said, letting her express herself.
Sometimes I just feel that we’re these magical beings in this mysterious universe and yet we choose to concern ourselves with money, fame, power. It’s doesn’t add up. She threw a pebble she picked up just right then. So, what’s your take on it? You’ve worked with displaced and disadvantaged people on the ground.
I have a lot of anger at how the world works. The never-ending oppression of powerless people. But at some point, I just ask myself: how can I help with what I know? But oftentimes I question if I really help at all because it’s a systemic problem and I’m just really help with mitigating problems. Unfortunately, the policies that could solve the root of these problems are in the hands of the people who are corrupt and selfish at their core.
I really fucking hate that. She got riled up. But I’m angry at myself that I don’t do anything to fight that or stand for something. At least you do something.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Life’s not straightforward like that. He said. For now, at least you know what you don’t want.
That’s true. She said, calming her voice. Sorry about venting out on you.
No worries, it’s actually refreshing to hear things in my head spoken out loud. He said while playing with the flashlight again in his hands, illuminating his face again. It’s nice to share similar sentiments. He smiled at her.
But you seem more at peace with it.
Maybe I have some faith that humanity will figure it out. I do the best I can and that makes me feel a bit better.
She nodded. She wanted to say more but she kept it to herself.
Come, let’s continue our talk down there. Gabriel pointed at the center of the meadow. The meteors are going to increase in number right about now. He stood up and offered his hand to Ida. She took it and slowly got up, wiping the dirt from her pants.
Gabriel ran down ahead. Come, he said.
Ida looked back at Ollie’s tombstone. Bye Ollie, your son…he’s very nice. She whispered as he followed Gabriel into the wide open field.